Chapter 10
Building Effective Communication Skills
Communication
The transfer of information among individuals.
Speaking
Writing
Reading
Listening
The process of
interpersonal communication
Interpersonal
communication: an interactional
process whereby one person sends a message to another
At least two
people must be involved
It is a process
The process is interactional
(i.e., not one-way)
Senders encode
ideas into message; receivers decode message into ideas
Primary means of
sending messages is language
Channel: the
sensory channel through which message reaches receiver
Noise: any stimulus that interferes with accurately
expressing or understanding a message
Context: the environment in which communication
takes place
The importance of communication
An essential aspect of everyday life
Quality of communication can affect satisfaction in
marriage
Nonverbal communication: transmission of meaning
from one person to another through means or symbols other than words
General principles of nonverbal communication
Multi-channeled
Frequently conveys emotions
Is relatively ambiguous
May contradict verbal messages
Is culture-bound
Interpersonal
Communication
Universal Emotions
You open the door
and the Prize Patrol is outside. You
have just won the $20 million dollar Publisher's Clearinghouse Award. You are HAPPY!
You go to the
cafeteria for lunch and are about to bite into your salad when you see a huge
hard-backed cockroach crawling in the lettuce
..antennae waving. You are DISGUSTED!
You find out that
your pet cat of 19 years was run over by a Mack truck. You are SAD!
Universal Emotions
You find out that
your girlfriend/boyfriend is sleeping with your best friend. You are ANGRY!
You are walking
across campus at 2 A.M. You hear
footsteps and heavy breathing right behind you.
You are AFRAID!
You find out that
you and your instructor are long lost cousins.
You are SURPRISED! (Hopefully not disgusted or saddened!).
Paul Ekman and
colleagues have identified six emotions associated with distinctive facial
expressions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise
Some facial
expressions are universally recognized but many expressions vary from culture
to culture
Display rules: norms that govern the appropriate display of emotions
People can
regulate facial expressions to deceive others
Eye contact
Duration of eye
contact is most meaningful
High levels of
eye contact associated with attentiveness
High levels also
associated with effective social skills, credibility
Gaze is means of
communicating intensity of feelings, but not positive or negative
emotion
Culture affects
patterns of eye contact
Gender and racial
differences have been found in United States
Listening vs. Hearing
Hearing is passive, listening is active, intentional,
chosen, and requires internal and external behaviors to receive messages
accurately.
At work we spend about 60% of our time listening.
Why do we receive so little training in listening skills?
After hearing a
ten minute presentation listeners retain about half what was said.
After 2 days,
another half is forgotten.
College students:
20% having erotic thoughts, 20% reminiscing, 20% paying attention to the
lecture, only 12% of those actively listening.
Listening Skills
Intentions that promote good listening:
To Understand Someone
To Enjoy Someone
To Learn Something
To Give Help or Solace
Pseudolistening
This occurs when some other intention is
being satisfied:
Pretending to
listen to make people think you are interested in them so you will be liked.
Being vigilant
for signs of potential rejection.
Listening for one
thing and ignoring others.
4. Focusing on your rebuttal or the next
thing you want to say.
5. Pretending to listen so someone will
listen to you.
6. Listening to uncover vulnerabilities to
gain an advantage.
7. Looking for weak points in the speakers
reasoning so you can come out on top.
8. Checking only to see how the speaker is reacting to make sure you
produce the desired effect.
9. Half-listening because that is what a nice person should do.
10. Pretending to listen to be polite.
Blocks to Effective
Listening
Judging defining things as good or bad.
Mind Reading your assumptions
Stereotyping your widespread generalizations
Interrupting Interrupts flow
Comparing listening to make comparisons
Advising finding advice for the speaker
Rehearsing reviewing what to say next
Stage-Hogging
listen to change focus back to
yourself
Filtering listening to what you want to hear and ignoring the
rest
Dueling arguing for the sake of arguing
Derailing distracting to never reach a conclusion
Daydreaming being caught up in your own fantasies
Placating overinvestment in being nice and ignoring your won
feelings
Hidden Agendas
an unacknowledged goal in the
conversation
Overreacting
becoming overemotional about a
particular word or statement that offends one
Building
Blocks of Effective Listening
ACTIVE LISTENING
Paraphrasing stating in your own words
what someone has just said
It sounds like you are saying
As I understand you
What I hear you saying is
From your point of view
Clarifying asking questions to help you
understand the speakers message
Im confused, could you explain
that further?
Let me be sure I understand you
Could you repeat that?
What is that supposed to mean?
Idiot!!
Feedback sharing your reactions to what you heard. It should be:
1.
Immediate
2.
Honest
3.
Supportive
Ex. I get the feeling you are not telling
everything here. instead of, Youre lying. or Youre holdin gout on me.
Empathic Listening
Listening not just to the words, but trying to
understand what the other person is feeling and thinking. Getting inside the other persons frame of
reference.
Paraphrasing the speakers feelings, attitudes and
emotions.
Empathic listening often communicates that you value
the other person and their experience.
I sense you are feeling
You feel
You seem
Good listeners listen with their eyes as well as
their ears, paying attention to non-verbal communication as well as verbal.
When non-verbals do not match verbal meaning we get incongruent communication
and double messages.
Paralanguage
The way something is said, rather than what is said.
(38% impact)
Tone and pitch of voice
Vocal inflections
Emphasis on certain words
Length and frequency of pauses
The other 55% is communicated by facial expressions,
bodily movements and gestures, duration of eye contact, and posture.
Personal
space:
a zone of space surrounding a person that is felt to "belong" to that
person
Proxemics: the study of people's use of interpersonal space
Other animals
show similar tendency, called territoriality
Size of personal
space depends on nature of relationship and type of situation
Distance is
regulated by social norms; varies by culture
The use of
interpersonal space tells us about the nature of the relationship.
Women seem to
have smaller personal spaces than men
People of similar
status tend to stand closer together
Invasions of
space elicit variety of reactions
Detecting Deception
Signs of autonomic nervous system arousal.
Increased/irregular respiration, pupil dilation,
blushing, increased frequency of swallowing and blinking. What do they really indicate?
Body movements
People tend to gesture less when lying, covering or
touching the nose or mouth when speaking.
Speech patterns
Liars give evasive or indirect answers, overly detailed
or complicated explanations or defensive tirades. More slips of the tongue occur and more pause
words like ah, um, uh.
Rules for
Effective Non-Verbal Communication
Maintain good eye contact, but do not stare.
Use your body language to communicate interest.
Speak clearly and modulate your voice.
Use touch appropriately for your culture.
Respect the personal space of other people.
Non-verbal
Behavior for Effective Listening
Maintain good eye contact.
Lean forward slightly.
Nodding or saying, Uh huh, to indicate that you are
listening.
Keep your arms open.